


big yell and little scream

by lazulisong



Series: yuri!!! on ice [32]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Animal Transformation, Gen, M/M, i don't -- I don't care about editing any more
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-01 08:23:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13994337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazulisong/pseuds/lazulisong
Summary: of course this is happening, because yuri's life is always a nightmare.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> have you ever reached a point where your rational brain pointed out that you were writing a self indulgent story about people turning into cats and your perfectionism opened its mouth, closed it again, and gave up

Yuri isn't even surprised when he opens the door to Madame Lilia holding a carrier with an expression that suggested that it was full of maggots. "This was not beautiful of him," says Madame severely, and hands Yuri the carrier before he can say anything. She turns around before Yuri can object and taps off.

Yuri _is_ surprised when he opens the suspiciously quiet carrier and pulls out not a Siamese kitten but real, live toy poodle puppy with dirty blond fur. He'd think it was a joke, but it has blue eyes and is giving him an absolutely poisonous look. 

"Aww," says Yuri, involuntarily.

Yurio growls.

* * *

Yuri doesn't even know how it all began. 

Maybe Victor read an article suggesting he was too old to skate and -- probably more upsetting -- speculating on his use of Rogaine, and Yuri woke up the next morning to his fiance as a Siamese cat curled tightly against his chin. He wasn't used to animals sleeping on his neck any more, and flailed around until Victor woke up and levitated off Yuri and onto Makkachin. Maybe -- who knew. It just happened. 

It hadn't been a great moment for anybody, but of course Victor recovered more quickly than Yuri. Victor was washing Makkachin's ear while Yuri was still in the bathroom hyperventilating.

He took Victor with him to the rink, for lack of anything better to do -- and because Victor was clawing his skate bag and screaming at the top of his lungs, and it took Yuri about three seconds to realize that he's willing to do almost anything to get Victor to stop screaming. As a human, Victor talks a lot, but he does sometimes go quiet and read a book or watch YouTube videos of poodles so Yuri can be quiet too, even if he does sometimes act shamelessly spoiled and whining. (Yuri is still not sure he's awake when _Victor Nikiforov_ leans his head on his shoulder and looks up at him with big, pleading blue eyes. It's like a very specific fantasy he'd had when he was fourteen.) As a cat, Victor sounds like an electronic stuffed toy with a voice box that had lost a battle to a sippy cup of grape juice. And he talks _all the time_ , in chirps and trills and purrs. He says "WAAAOOWW" just like he does as a human, only two millimeters from Yuri's ear. 

Yuri gave in right away. Besides Victor's destruction of his beloved bag, he isn't at all sure how he was going to explain Victor's absence without actually having Victor there. As it was, they'd walked in and everybody had taken one look at the cat wrapped around Yuri's neck like a boa constrictor, and had drawn the correct conclusion. Yurio's face had been a picture. Several pictures. Maybe ten. Mila had cooed and Feltsman-sensei had yelled, but Yurio spent the entire time glaring at Victor, pop-eyed with rage.

So, no, Yuri's not surprised that Yurio's an animal now. He _is_ surprised he doesn't have two cats on his hands

He's still holding Yurio kind of helplessly in his hands, wondering what to do with him. Yurio growls again and then begins to yap, higher pitched than Vicchan or Makkachin but a lot meaner sounding. Yuri puts him on the floor, but he keeps yapping at the top of his lungs.

Victor comes in and freezes. His ears flatten back. His tails lashes once, twice -- and Yuri is maybe not so great at cat body language but he's spent years painfully learning Victor Nikiforov's, and every line of his body is yelling that Yuri needs to step in right away. "It's just Yurio!" he yells, seconds before Victor makes a rush at Yurio. 

Yurio meets it with all the spite four pounds of curly-furred hate can possibly muster. They roll around for a second while Yuri stands, frozen in horror. He'd never imagined Victor was capable of laying a hand -- or a paw -- on Yurio, but for one awful second he sees a vision of what Victor could do with his claws. It's only a second, though, and then he sees that Victor isn't using his claws or his comparatively greater mass against Yurio at all. His claws are sheathed and even the kicks he's inflicting on Yurio are only at about half the power his powerful hind legs could deliver. 

Yurio, unfortunately, has no such scruples, and is genuinely attempting to murder Victor.

Yuri would like to be surprised. Instead, he braces himself to pull Yurio off by the scruff of his neck, praying that Yurio won't sink his sharp puppy teeth into Yuri's ulnar artery and make the entire apartment a bloody mess. Before he can catch Yurio, though, Makkachin wanders over, cocks his head, and bats the two of them apart with a casual paw.

Victor tumbles back with a surprised chirp, but immediately launches himself playfully at Makkachin, leaving Yuri free to snatch up Yurio and hold him still. Yurio yaps furiously, struggling to get to Victor again.

"You know he doesn't care," says Yuri to Yurio.

Yurio growls, low and mean.

Victor looks up from his wrestling from Makkachin. He gives Yurio a long, cold look.

Yurio stops growling.

There's a brief stalemate while everybody but Makkachin stares at the others. Then Victor flicks his tail in elaborate unconcern and levitates to the top of the medal case and begins to wash his ass.

Yurio trembles in outrage.

Yuri sighs.

* * *

Yuri spends the rest of the day trying to keep Yurio from murdering Victor, which would be much easier if Victor hadn't decided it was some sort of new, hilarious game and keeps taking swats at Yurio until the frail thread he has holding his temper snaps and he tries to murder Victor again.

The only thing that seems to keep Yurio from actively seeking to kill Victor is Yuri carrying him around, which would be fine but Yuri has things he needs to do. After a while Yuri gives up and goes to find a Fat Day hoodie and sticks Yurio in the kangaroo pocket.

This words great for about three minutes, until Victor looks up to see Yurio gloating at him and swells up in outrage. He screams and tries to get in the pocket with Yurio -- and Victor is ten pounds to Yurio's four, so his hindquarters dangle out and Yurio twists around to try to bite his tail. The fighting is a little like what Yuuko had described being pregnant with triplets as being like, except _Yuri_ has nothing to look forward to but being scratched up to hell and back. 

He ends up locking Victor in the bathroom where he can amuse himself by screaming in the shower and listening to the echo, and Yurio into the spare room with one of Makkachin's toys to kill, and going for a desperate rummage through Victor's closet. He comes up with two old sweatshirts that are too large for Victor but just about the right size to have belonged to one of the men that Victor was rumored to be seeing years before. Yuri had hated him with blind loyalty then, and he hates him even more now that he's found his clothes in Victor's closet. 

He sniffs them, but they just smell like Victor's closet. Yuri is glad, in a vindictive sort of way, but he still shoves them in the washing machine with the soap his mom sent from Japan and lets them run a complete wash and dry cycle before he sprays them with Victor's horrifyingly expensive cologne. He cuts one of them up and sews a block of fabric into a large pouch on front of the other one, which takes a little longer than he expected because he's not sure how much he ought to reinforce it. He decides to err on the side of caution, and adds a couple lines of stitching.

By the time he's done, both Yurio and Victor have gone ominously silent, and it's with serious trepidation that he opens the door.

Victor is sitting bolt upright with Yurio beside him (Victor must have let him out of the spare room) and they're both giving him identical accusing looks from their positions on Makkachin, who is curled up comfortably on the floor.

"Mmmmrrrrwwww," says Victor pointedly.

Yurio growls. 

Yuri doesn't want to argue with either of them, so he snatches up Yurio before he can throw another fit and shoves him into the pouch. Yurio goes silent from sheer surprise, and it's only a second before Victor opens his mouth to complain -- only to squawk in surprise when Yuri picks him up and shoves him into the pouch, too. 

They're both quiet for a moment and then Yurio shifts around, and Victor moves around too, and then they both are squashed up comfortably in the pouch with their heads poking out. Nobody's smacking or biting anybody. Yuri heaves out a deep sigh of relief and says "I'm going to take a nap."

Victor begins to purr.


	2. the poop lap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yuri has One Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did warn you guys also I have spent the last two or three weekends saying things like "I am definitely going to have a restful weekend this time" and it hasn't happened yet so apologies in advance.

Yuri has to poop. 

He puts down his tablet and checks the room carefully. It feels irritatingly like being in a weird level of like, Bioshock or Dishonored, but apparently this is his life now. Makkachin is safely asleep in the dog bed in the corner of the room. Victor isn't with him, but Yuri had caught him dragging Yuri's Team Japan jacket toward the bedroom with an intent expression, so he's probably fully occupied ruining the fabric by making biscuits on it. When Victor changes back he'll probably be horrified, but as it is right now, he seems to be rather proud of the work he's put into it. It's not really a surprise: Victor has always liked to be sure everybody knew who was allowed to catch him.

Yuri can't let himself get distracted. He's on a mission and he isn't going to fail this time. 

He stands up, slowly and softly from the couch, every muscle moving as delicately as possible to avoid making any noise. He gets to his feet and walks with the silent, graceful tread that Minako-sensei had spent years drilling into him, across the living room and into the hall, and slips into the bathroom in a breathless hush. He closes the door behind him with agonizing care and breathes out a deep sigh of relief. He pushes his pants down and sits down on the toilet.

"Waauugh," says Victor, reproachfully.

Yuri screams.

Victor jumps. Makkachin wakes up and rushes to find out what is going on, and starts barking and whining when he can't get into the bathroom. 

"It's fine, Makkachin!" lies Yuri. He looks at Victor. "What are you doing in here!"

Victor squints at him with his sapphire eyes. 

Well, okay, it was sort of a stupid question.

"How did you get in here?" says Yuri hopelessly. He can't get up to kick Victor up because Makkachin will push his way in and then he'll have two animals observing his toilet habits like he's a performance art act.

Victor settles down and flicks his tail. Then he gives the distance between where he's perched on the tub and Yuri a measuring look. He crouches slightly. 

"I am _not_ making a lap!" says Yuri, and Makkachin begins to bark again, which briefly distracts Victor enough for Yuri to hastily yank his pants up past his knees. Then Victor puts his ears back and gives him another Look. 

"Pooping is not making a lap," says Yuri. He has a blinding moment of gratitude that Phichit isn't in Russia to hear that one. Actually, knowing Yuri, he's going to blurt it out when he talks to Phichit next, and he will never live it down.

Victor choses to ignore this in favor of crouching again, ready to spring and Yuri says desperately -- "It's not fair to Makkachin!" Victor hesitates. Yuri says, "You can't get on my lap, because Makkachin's stuck out in the --"

Victor's ears go up like he understands the problem now. Before Yuri can stop him, Victor leaps toward the door, and with a twisting movement that's hard to see, wraps both paws around the door knob and opens it far enough that Makkachin can shove his nose in and push it open to join them.

Victor hops calmly into Yuri's lap and curls up with with just enough room for Makkachin to put his nose on Yuri's knee and gaze up soulfully.

Yuri chose this. He chose to fall in love with a person who had (accidentally, Yuri hopes) trained his dog to keep him company, even while he pooped.

"Don't think we're not going to talk about this," Yuri tells Victor.

Victor chirps. Then he sits up and rubs his jaw against Yuri's jaw before he curls up again and begins to purr.

Yuri sighs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think I've told this story before but I grew up in a .... hmm .... decrepit? let's be nice ... farm house, and there was a section of the bathroom floor by the bathtub that was rotted out, so we put a piece of I forget, either plywood or linoleum over it and just remembered to not step on it, basically. anyway our first cat Rascal was smart to realize that you could paw up the square -- it wasn't nailed down -- or stick your head to push it up if you were under the house, so it became his unofficial cat door. 
> 
> That would be fine, but let me tell you it was genuinely unnerving to be in the bath or on the toilet and hear _scritch scritch scritch "mmmmrrrpppppt~"_ without warning as the cat popped his head out and saw you there and said hello.

**Author's Note:**

> originally yurio was also going to be a siamese cat but then I realized what would be much, much funnier.
> 
> I am on [le tumbs](http://lazulisong.tumblr.com). also if you feel like you should want to leave me a comment but the Anxiety is too much, drink a glass of your favorite hydrating liquid and leave a comment of "I drank a water". Love y'all.


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